You can email me

The Rather Alluring Beard Oil by Apothecary87
Conditioning oil for the manliest of man beards. Made in the UK with manly pride. 

Directions of manly use:

Once you have washed your manly beard, rub it dry with a manly towel (not a pink one). Pour a few small drops of oil into the palm of your hand and rub your hands together.

Work the oil through your manly beard by rubbing it into your skin, then run your hands over your beard to coat your beard hair. Using a comb or your hands, you can now move on to your manly styling rituals.

Jesus, this shit is like crack… Or Nutella… Or dare I say it, crack and Nutella? Also, is there such a thing as applying too much beard oil? Should I stop using the stuff like it’s shampoo?

#addicted

Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami
"And aside from Tsukuru Tazaki, they all had another small, coincidental point in common: their last names all contained a color. The two boys’ last names were Akamatsu  – which means ‘red pine’ – and Oumi – ‘blue sea’; the girls’ family names were Shirane – ‘white root’ – and Kurono – ‘black field.’ Tazaki was the only last name that did not have a color in its meaning. From the very beginning this fact made him feel a bit left out. Of course, whether or not you had a color as part of your name had nothing to do with your personality. Tsukuru understood this. But still, it disappointed him, and he surprised himself by feeling hurt. Soon, the other four friends began to use nicknames: the boys were called Aka (red) and Ao (blue); and the girls were Shiro (white) and Kuro (black). But he just remained Tsukuru. How great would it be, he often thought, if I had a color in my name too. Then everything would be perfect.” Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami
"And aside from Tsukuru Tazaki, they all had another small, coincidental point in common: their last names all contained a color. The two boys’ last names were Akamatsu  – which means ‘red pine’ – and Oumi – ‘blue sea’; the girls’ family names were Shirane – ‘white root’ – and Kurono – ‘black field.’ Tazaki was the only last name that did not have a color in its meaning. From the very beginning this fact made him feel a bit left out. Of course, whether or not you had a color as part of your name had nothing to do with your personality. Tsukuru understood this. But still, it disappointed him, and he surprised himself by feeling hurt. Soon, the other four friends began to use nicknames: the boys were called Aka (red) and Ao (blue); and the girls were Shiro (white) and Kuro (black). But he just remained Tsukuru. How great would it be, he often thought, if I had a color in my name too. Then everything would be perfect.” Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami
"And aside from Tsukuru Tazaki, they all had another small, coincidental point in common: their last names all contained a color. The two boys’ last names were Akamatsu  – which means ‘red pine’ – and Oumi – ‘blue sea’; the girls’ family names were Shirane – ‘white root’ – and Kurono – ‘black field.’ Tazaki was the only last name that did not have a color in its meaning. From the very beginning this fact made him feel a bit left out. Of course, whether or not you had a color as part of your name had nothing to do with your personality. Tsukuru understood this. But still, it disappointed him, and he surprised himself by feeling hurt. Soon, the other four friends began to use nicknames: the boys were called Aka (red) and Ao (blue); and the girls were Shiro (white) and Kuro (black). But he just remained Tsukuru. How great would it be, he often thought, if I had a color in my name too. Then everything would be perfect.”

    Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami

    "And aside from Tsukuru Tazaki, they all had another small, coincidental point in common: their last names all contained a color. The two boys’ last names were Akamatsu – which means ‘red pine’ – and Oumi – ‘blue sea’; the girls’ family names were Shirane – ‘white root’ – and Kurono – ‘black field.’ Tazaki was the only last name that did not have a color in its meaning. From the very beginning this fact made him feel a bit left out. Of course, whether or not you had a color as part of your name had nothing to do with your personality. Tsukuru understood this. But still, it disappointed him, and he surprised himself by feeling hurt. Soon, the other four friends began to use nicknames: the boys were called Aka (red) and Ao (blue); and the girls were Shiro (white) and Kuro (black). But he just remained Tsukuru. How great would it be, he often thought, if I had a color in my name too. Then everything would be perfect.”

    Saturday Night Live - Beauty and the Beast

    As soon as Kristen Wiig opens her mouth to sing like a Disney retard, you know it’s going to be a funny sketch. A very funny one. 

    Beauty The Beast: “Lumiere, get in here! Who is the Beauty [pointing at herself] and who is the Beast [pointing at Gerald Butler]?”

    Lumiere: “You both look like beasts to me. Well, I’m a candelabra — I’m only attracted to other candelabras. Although once, in college, I dated a menorah.”